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Ahead of Time

“You’re going to be locked up for a long time,” she said casually.

She was laying against my side, her fingernails tracing lines up my thighs, stomach, and chest. We had just made love, and were basking in the afterglow. Well, at least she was basking; I hadn’t come — nor had I for the past couple of weeks — and was still aroused.

“I know you don’t like to know ahead of time when I’m going to let you out, but I just wanted  you know that it’s going to be, well, a long time.  We haven’t played at a really long term in a while, and I was thinking that I wanted to try it again.”

I failed to suppress a whimper, and she looked up at me. “I hope you’re not complaining,” she admonished. “I mean, I unlocked you at the end of the summer, and you spent all autumn free as a bird. Winter’s almost half over;  in fact. I can’t remember when you’ve had so much free time.”

It was true; I’d been unlocked for months, but it wasn’t exactly a Roman orgy around here.

“Yeah, but what with both of us getting the flu, plus the holidays, work, and all that, we barely had any sex at all, so it’s not like I’ve been running wild,” I explained. “I mean, for a couple of months, we even thought there was something in our water, since we just couldn’t get excited.”

She shrugged, and lay her head back down on my chest. “Anyway, since I’m going to lock you up tonight,  I wanted to spend some quality time with you; it’s going to be the last time that your cock is going to be free for quite a while, and I had to get enough of it to keep me motivated.”

I whimpered again. Despite not having as much sex as I would have liked, I had certainly gotten used to touching myself whenever I felt like it, and feeling her warm ass as we lay spooning, and of course, being allowed to come pretty much every time we did have sex — as infrequently as it had been. And although we keep talking about long term denial as a fantasy — a really hot fantasy for both of us — the fact is that it’s been quite a while since we played at that, and I wasn’t totally looking forward to actually doing it. Sure, I knew it was only a matter of time before she wanted me back in the chastity device, but as the weeks seemed to slip by, I just fell out of the groove.

Until tonight.

(Read the rest of the story at The Edge of Vanilla)

Over a year?

Holy Toledo! I almost forgot that I have a LJ account, what with the blogging and the Twittering and the Facebooking. And a while back I realized that LJ has an RSS feed, so the journals that I tend to keep up with are subscribed on my Google Reader. And I guess it seemed silly to mirror everything I write at The Edge of Vanilla on this blog.

But I'm noticing that there are some good writers who are still around here, and as I follow links back to them, it helps to have my LJ account still active. Which is why I'm making this little, two paragraph post.


Watch out, punks...

Here comes

The Gray Geezer!

The Gray Geezer

"Get off of my lawn, you damn kids!"

Yeah, how many gray-haired superheros do you see lately, huh? Not many. You know why? Because they retired and moved to Florida, that’s why. They’re living in a high-rise condo by the Gulf of Mexico (although a few of them are living in a retirement community off of Key West). That means that there are only a few of us left up here in New England.

Unfortunately, we get a little busy, what with the leaf raking and lawn re-seeding, and the trips to the dump on the weekends, so we don’t have much time for that crime-fighting stuff anymore. But that’s okay, most of the crime here in the ‘burbs are petty things anyway, like the neighbor who doesn’t leash his freakin’ dogs, or the guy at the end of the block who burns leaves without a permit. Oh, and the damn teenager who just got his license and who keeps driving up and down the street at all hours, his amped stereo blasting, ba-doompa, ba-doompa, ba-doompa so you can hear him coming a mile away. And none of that good music, like we used to have back in my day, mind you. No, nowadays it’s all that new stuff that doesn’t have any words to it, just guys wearing mascara, screaming into the damn microphone.

And never mind that, how the hell do these spoiled kids afford to drive around all day with gas prices so high? I’ll tell you how: their damn parents just give’em the gas credit card and off they go. No appreciation these kids, let me tell you. When I was that age, we had to borrow a car from Dad or an older brother and he’d make us wash it and fill the tank before we returned it. We’d drive down to the local malt shop and the waitresses would skate out to the car and. . . hey, do they even have skating drive ups anymore? No. Godammed fast food joints put’em outta business, that’s why. All that greasy food gives me heartburn now, not like those burgers we had back in my day. I could eat two of them with a side of onion rings and wash it down with a chocolate malt. . . and that’s another thing: those damned fast food joints don’t even have freakin’ milkshakes anymore, now they sell you this frozen edible plastic in a cup. You know why? Because the dairy all goes to making those damned protein bars and liquid diet shakes that everybody drinks now. Pretty soon we’re not even gonna need teeth, we’ll just drink our steak dinner out of the foil carton.

And don’t even get me started on why you can’t get a good steak anymore. . .

Personality Defect Test

Your Score: Robot

You are 71% Rational, 14% Extroverted, 42% Brutal, and 14% Arrogant.

You are the Robot! You are characterized by your rationality. In fact, this is really ALL you are characterized by. Like a cold, heartless machine, you are so logical and unemotional that you scarcely seem human. For instance, you are very humble and don't bother thinking of your own interests, you are very gentle and lack emotion, and you are also very introverted and introspective. You may have noticed that these traits are just as applicable to your laptop as they are to a human being. You are not like the robots they show in the movies. Movie robots are make-believe, because they always get all personable and likeable after being struck by lightning, or they are cold, cruel killing machines. In all reality, though, you are much more boring than all that. Real robots just sit there, doing their stupid jobs, and doing little else. If you get struck by lightning, you won't develop a winning personality and heart of gold. (Robots don't have hearts, silly, and if they did, they would probably be made of steel, not gold.) You also won't be likely to terrorize humanity by becoming an ultra-violent killing machine sent into the past to kill the mother of a child who will lead a rebellion against machines, because that movie was dumb as hell, and because real robots don't kill--they horribly maim at best, and they don't even do that on purpose. Real robots are boringly kind and all too rarely try to kill people. In all my years, my laptop has only attacked me once, and that was only because my brother threw it at me. In short, your personality defect is that you don't really HAVE a personality. You are one of those annoying, super-logical people that never gets upset or flustered. Unless, of course, you short circuit. Or if someone throws a pie at you. Pies sure are delicious.

To put it less negatively:

1. You are more RATIONAL than intuitive.

2. You are more INTROVERTED than extroverted.

3. You are more GENTLE than brutal.

4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant.


Your exact opposite is the Class Clown.

Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Hand-Raiser, the Emo Kid, and the Haughty Intellectual.



If you scored near fifty percent for a certain trait (42%-58%), you could very well go either way. For example, someone with 42% Extroversion is slightly leaning towards being an introvert, but is close enough to being an extrovert to be classified that way as well. Below is a list of the other personality types so that you can determine which other possible categories you may fill if you scored near fifty percent for certain traits.

The other personality types:

The Emo Kid: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Starving Artist: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Bitch-Slap: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Brute: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

The Hippie: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Televangelist: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Schoolyard Bully: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Class Clown: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

The Robot: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Haughty Intellectual: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Spiteful Loner: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Sociopath: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

The Hand-Raiser: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Braggart: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Capitalist Pig: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Smartass: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

Be sure to take my Sublime Philosophical Crap Test if you are interested in taking a slightly more intellectual test that has just as many insane ramblings as this one does!

About Saint_Gasoline

I am a self-proclaimed pseudo-intellectual who loves dashes. I enjoy science, philosophy, and fart jokes and water balloons, not necessarily in that order. I spend 95% of my time online, and the other 5% of my time in the bathroom, longing to get back on the computer. If, God forbid, you somehow find me amusing instead of crass and annoying, be sure to check out my blog and my webcomic at SaintGasoline.com.

Link: The Personality Defect Test written by saint_gasoline on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test
View My Profile(saint_gasoline)

Is that in US $?

Is that all? I thought I'd have gone for at least $1,500.

Damn. That means I must need a tattoo!

bedroom toys

*Estimations based on averages taken from advertised male and female private escort sites.
Powered By Adult Toy


Balanced Brain

Tom, you are Balanced-brained

That means you are able to draw on the strengths of both the right and left hemispheres of your brain, depending upon a given situation.

When you need to explain a complicated process to someone, or plan a detailed vacation, the left hemisphere of your brain, which is responsible for your ability to solve problems logically, might kick in. But if you were critiquing an art opening or coming up with an original way to file papers, the right side of your brain, which is responsible for noticing subtle details in things, might take over.

While many people have clearly dominant left- or right-brained tendencies, you are able to draw on skills from both hemispheres of your brain. This rare combination makes you a very creative and flexible thinker.

The down side to being balanced-brained is that you may sometimes feel paralyzed by indecision when the two hemispheres of your brain are competing to solve a problem in their own unique ways.


Color quiz

I can't believe it's been weeks and weeks since I've taken some stupid online personality indicator.

ColorQuiz.comI took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!"Suffering from the effects of those things which a..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

    Your Friend's Existing Situation

      Working to improve his image in the eyes of others in order to obtain their compliance and agreement with his needs and wishes.

    Your Friend's Stress Sources

      Eager to make a good impression, but worried and doubtful about the likelihood of succeeding. Feels that he has a right to anything he might hope for, and becomes helpless and distressed when circumstances go against him. Finds the mere possibility of failure most upsetting and this can even lead to nervous prostration. Sees himself as a 'victim' who has been misled and abused, mistakes this dramatization for reality and tries to convince himself that his failure to achieve standing and recognition is the fault of others.

    Your Friend's Restrained Characteristics

      Willing to become emotionally involved and able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity.

      Feels trapped in a distressing or uncomfortable situation and seeking some way of gaining relief. Able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity providing no turmoil or emotional agitation is involved.

    Your Friend's Desired Objective

      Suffering from the effects of those things which are being rejected as disagreeable, and is strongly resisting them. Just wants to be left in peace.

    Your Friend's Actual Problem

      Disappointment and the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals have led to anxiety, emptiness, and an unadmitted self-contempt. His refusal to admit this leads to his adopting a headstrong and defiant attitude.

    Your Friend's Actual Problem #2

      Depleted vitality has created an intolerance for any further stimulation, or demands on his resources. This feeling of powerlessness subjects him to agitation and acute distress. He reacts by considering that he has been victimized, and insists--with indignation, resentment, and defiance--on being given his own way.
      Take the ColorQuiz yourself right now!


The Golden Compass Daemon Test

Your Score: Multi-Faceted Soul

You scored 1 Extroversion, -8 Sensitivity, and 3 Openness!

In a way, you are a truly balanced person. You have a good sense of self, but you have periods of worry and self doubt. You don't like to be alone a lot, but you don't like being constantly surrounded, either. You can be shy in some situations and bold in others. You can tell people how you feel, but you don't wear your heart on your sleeve. You aren't "TOO" anything: You aren't too shy, you aren't too aggressive, you aren't too extroverted, you aren't too introverted. However at any one time you can be any combination of these things.

You tend to adapt yourself to match the situations in which you find yourself. You may be quiet and sensitive with some people, or joking and loud with others. These are all facets of your personality. People tend to perceive you as they want to perceive you. They may even tend to idealize you a bit. Then, when you do something that doesn't fit their concept of who you are (like have an outburst of anger, or a fit of shyness, or make an insensitive joke)they can be shocked and surprised. Does anyone know the real you?

Your daemon would represent your multi-faceted and ever-changing personality, as well as people's tendency to idealize you. He or she would get angry when you did not, be calm and poised when you felt ruffled and anxious, and always be the voice of emotion and reason in your ear.

Suggested forms:
Swan, Elephant, Koala, Panda, Chameleon, Wolf.

Link: The Golden Compass Daemon Test written by wolfcaroling on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test
View My Profile(wolfcaroling)


Scifi sound bites

Take the Sci fi sounds quiz I received 64 credits on
The Sci Fi Sounds Quiz

How much of a Sci-Fi geek are you?
Take the Sci-Fi Movie Quiz canon s5 is

Dang - I could have done better, but I couldn't figure out how to replay the clips.


Lego my Ego

Lego Tom

Get Lego'd here.

Go ahead - you know you want to.